CHAPTER 1, Part 1: Katherine Glee fell in love at first sight.
Katherine Glee fell in love at first sight. She was driving a new route through the countryside when she rolled up a little hill, glanced to her left, and felt something pierce the middle of her body, kicking her heart. She quit breathing. Her hands on the steering wheel went numb. Her eyes drank in details. A little grey. Strongly built. Slightly weathered, but solid. Mysterious, with a touch of romantic wildness. Basically gorgeous. She gasped, almost driving off the road as longing stabbed her from head to toe. “Ridiculous,” she thought, pulling herself together, feeling herself blushing.
She mentioned this to Frieda, her best friend since university. Frieda was on the living room carpet with her three-year-old daughter Beth, building blocks scattered in front of them. Five-year-old Frank was on the couch, absorbed in a hand-held electronic game that made frequent irritating beeps.
“Go for it!” Frieda handed Beth a block. “It’s about time.” Her husband Douglas came into the room carrying two glasses of white wine. “So give us a picture,” urged Frieda, reaching up for one of the glasses.
“Well, grey and strong,” Katherine said. “You know, solidly built. But also mysterious. Basically, gorgeous. I feel it in my heart. It’s just what I want. Only I can’t buy a house.”
“Why not?” Frieda balanced one block on top of another.
“No, Mom,” cried Beth, knocking it off.
Douglas raised his eyebrows. “A house? I thought you were talking about a man.”
“How did you get a man out of that?” Frieda shook her blond head with a grin. “Here, Beth, you do it then.”
“I thought you were describing a big, strong, gorgeous hunk of a man with grey hair.”
“Right. There are plenty of those kind of single men running around,” said Katherine sarcastically.
“You have a bad attitude. It only takes one,” Frieda pointed out.
Computerized sounds played a tune on Frank’s game and his thumbs rapidly began working the buttons.
“Are you seriously considering buying a house?” called Douglas from the kitchen where he was getting his own glass.
“Not at all,” said Katherine too vehemently. “I’m not in a position to buy a house. It was just really interesting what happened when I saw it.”
“I think you should act on a strong feeling like that.” Frieda turned the blocks to show their letters. “Why don’t you at least view the house? No harm in looking.”
Katherine bit her bottom lip and grinned. “I guess not.”
Douglas sat down in an armchair and crossed his long legs. “What do you mean you’re in no position to buy a house? You have a great job at the radio station.”
“It doesn’t pay terrifically well, but yeah, I guess I’m fairly secure, there. I mean, at least it’s a steady job. So far at least. Touch wood.”
“And what about savings?” asked Frieda. “Do you still have any money from your parents?”
Katherine reached down and picked up a block with the letter “G.” “The Glee inheritance. There’s not that much left. Maybe enough for a down payment, if the house is not too expensive.”
“Well, then? What are you saving it for?”
“I don’t know. My retirement. Just to have as some security.”
“A house is a wise investment,” said Douglas. “And if you have a good down payment, the monthly mortgage cost shouldn’t be more than what you’re paying in rent right now.”
“I know that.”
“So there’s something else holding you back,” said Frieda.
Katherine gave the block to Beth who added it to her pile. “It feels like the kind of decision you make after you’re married.”
Frieda looked steadily at Katherine. “I’ve always been amazed at how strong and independent you are in your work and in general, but how nervous you seem to be about your private life. You can certainly make your own decision about where you want to live.”
“It’s not that.” Katherine ran her fingers through her dark hair. “It’s more like if I buy a house on my own, I’m saying that I don’t want to get married. That I’m deciding I want to make a life alone.”
Frieda sat back and hugged her knees thoughtfully.
“Wouldn’t you be more likely to have men interested in you because you own a house?” suggested Douglas.
Katherine laughed. “Gigolos and gold diggers, you mean? Men who’d think I’m a hot prospect with money?”
“But if you can afford a house on your own you’re not doing too badly,” Frieda said. “That’s kind of attractive in a woman, especially if you’re an older man, maybe divorced, paying alimony.”
“Charming. Already I have to worry about his baggage, and I haven’t even met him yet!”
“It’s just that most available men our age are like that.”
“But you don’t even have to decide about buying the house yet,” said Douglas. “You can just take a look first.”
“Who knows?” Frieda tossed a block in the air and caught it. “You might find out that you don’t like it after all. But you’ll never know unless you look.”
“I guess it wouldn’t hurt.” Katherine tapped a finger on the side of her glass.
This novel was sitting on my shelf, doing me no good. When I heard of the idea of publishing a novel in blog form, I thought that’s a way to get my fiction out and possibly read by people. This is an interesting experiment and I don’t know if I’m indulging myself online, or if I’m actually communicating with anyone. Which do you think it is?
Gloria
I’m hooked! I like the three characters in the first chapter already! Naturally, Katherine is going to be the biggest part of this story, but I really like her taste in friends too. Frieda seems intelligent, intuitive and well-grounded. She also appears to know her friend Katherine very well. Husband Douglas is a dream- a man who brings wine, and adds helpful, objective support at just the right moment- truly a keeper.
As for this mystery with gray features, solid structure and heart-stopping capabilities…I’ll just have to read on, I guess…
Lovin’ the plot! This rocks
This story was a fine example of pretentious literature.
Good job I had a wonderful sleep after I read this.
Stop trying to be something your not.. you should’ve started at part 1.
Misty seems to think this Douglas was a dream guy because he brings wine.. that is ALL he does in the entire chapter!
I find this story very dry. Katherine makes such a big deal over a house, which is ridiculous. It is very stale and i almost fell asleep after a couple parts.
Thanks for the comment over at Novelr, Gloria. And now i’ve to run away from you for adding another blook (for want of a better word) to my reading list. ;P Man this is going to take sometime before i can write up a review.
I’m so pleased that you bothered to check into my novel, Eli! Getting comments is still a thrill for me. I appreciate them all, good, bad, indifferent. Not every book is for every reader, that’s for sure. I look forward to your review.
Okay, finally found the time to read your first chapter, part 1. Early thoughts: I thought the grey and strongly built description was of a man too! Quite a pleasant surprise to see that it was a house, made me chuckle a bit.
Not sure about the phrase: ‘Basically gorgeous.’ You repeat that twice, once in the opening and another in dialogue. Which doesn’t sound very natural, since the narrator isn’t the protagonist.
But overall, very promising start. I assume the guy will come into the picture later. Will complete part 2 tomorrow.
Thanks for giving it a read and leaving a comment, Eli! I haven’t noticed anything wrong with “Basically gorgeous,” nor has anyone else. Thanks for giving me that to think about.
I’ve been thinking more about Eli’s comment, especially his note that “the narrator isn’t the protagonist.” He’s right, the narrator is not exactly or identical to the protagonist, but s/he definitely has the perspective of the protagonist. It is not an omniscient narrator. Much of the narration gives Katherine’s perspective, or in other words, in the narration, the reader often seems to see through K’s eyes. So I’d have to say I don’t see a problem with the narrator foreshadowing what K says to her friends about the house being “basically gorgeous.” As well, I think I was trying for a bit of repeated humour, as the description is meant to trick the reader, then goes on to trick Douglas into thinking the same.
Gloria, As I promised yesterday I’m reading on in your novel. I’ve just now re-read Ch. 1. Except for a few minor things, I think it’s good: It begins, as it should, with the day that was different, it handles exposition smoothly, and it ends with a bridge to the next chapter.
Those few minor things:
-The color is spelled g-r-a-y.
-Say Frieda urged, not “urged Frieda.” Say Douglas called, not “called Douglas.” It’s more natural that way.
-You sometimes leave me uncertain whose dialogue is whose. I feel that I can surmise who you meant, but why should the reader be made to guess when simple attribution can make it clear? In communication, clarity, as I’m sure you know, is the Holy Grail.
-Your heroine’s reasoning in her hesitancy to buy the house was nicely done, surprising but very credible. All in all, I believe this chapter is one polish away from professional.
Thanks for adding your thoughts, Bob! I’m always glad to hear from readers.
The colour (color is U.S. spelling) grey/gray works in both forms. As editor of a magazine, I use the Canadian Oxford Dictionary as my authority, and I tend to use it for all my (Canadian) writing now. It has “grey” as the proper spelling, although “gray” is a variation.
In dialogue, I always think that readers tend to know who is speaking, so the way they speak is more important than always identifying the speaker first. Although you’re right, at times I have gotten lost when reading dialogue. I guess it’s a matter of personal taste, which version sounds more natural: “called Douglas” or “Douglas called.” I think that when Douglas has already been introduced into the scene, “called Douglas” flows better than the other way. What do others think?
I hope you keep sharing your reactions as you read, Bob.
Hi! I’ve just stumbled across your blog-novel, Stonyfields, from a link in Eli James’ Novelr blog. It looks very interesting and well-written so far (although, I’ve
not read very much yet!).
I’m impressed at the level of feedback you’re getting in the comments section. Ok, so some of it isn’t very flattering, but I very rarely see a fictional blog that provokes such a reaction in its readers.
Anyway, I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that I’d started reading your novel! I’ll let you know what I think!
Richard
Thanks Richard! It’s great to hear from you. And thanks for posting all those links to interesting sites at your own blog, Undead Flowers. It can be hard finding them unless people share.
Nice choice of name. Maybe I should read your short story! Dare I ask how you selected the name of the character?
Wonderful to hear from you, Katherine Glee! This is an author’s dream come true, to have one of her characters contact her!! I’m happy to answer the question of why I chose this name for my protagonist. I have always liked the name Katherine, as it suggests strength, intelligence and determination to me, although I don’t know why! And Glee seems to me to be a great “radio” name, suggesting joy and articulation. Also, I prefer short last names to long ones — less typing! I hope you DO read my story about your namesake, but be warned, it’s a novel, not a short story.
This blog was of particular interest to me since I also have a noveling blog. I also thought she was reffering to a guy, and so did the characters. I caution you on using repetitive language and excessive dialog tags/adverbs/adjectives. I have received several critiques on my own work dealing with this and I thought I’d save you the pain. Print this out, and highlight all of the above cautions. If the story ends up looking like someone sprayed confetti all over the page…you probably need to edit a bit. ^^
Best of luck to you. Feel free to critique my work, don’t be shy about harshness!