Ch. 10, Pt. 3: Breakfast was early the next day
Breakfast was early the next day, but in bed, which felt wicked and decadent and lovely. Noodle and Goldie did so little begging that Rick banished them from the room only when he had finished eating and turned to Katherine with a smile.
“Shouldn’t we brush our teeth first?” she suggested.
“Why bother?” Rick took a buttered roll out of her hand. “We’ve eaten the same things.”
After, Katherine watched Rick and Goldie get into the truck and drive off, and felt relief. The house all to herself again. She could sleep some more, or…stretching, she felt like luxuriating in a hot bath.
After drying and getting dressed, and cleaning up from Rick’s visit, Katherine felt anxious as the day seemed to yawn, empty, before her. Lawrence wasn’t coming over until three o’clock, and she could think of nothing she wanted to do. Mostly, she wished she weren’t alone. The house seemed gloomy with many dark corners. In the kitchen, the washed dishes and clean counter depressed her with their signs of fussy, spinsterish loneliness. At Frieda and Douglas’s house there’s not a quiet moment today, she realized enviously.
The ticking of a clock started to get on her nerves. She felt like crying. Rick is not married, she reminded herself, so there is no reason to feel like an abandoned mistress. She fingered the house charm around her neck. He has not gone away to be with his wife. No, he’s gone away to be with his children, nagged another part of her. You’re not important enough to be with him on Christmas Day.
Noodle seemed to be constantly underfoot, offering his rubber toy for her to play with and being completely irritating. How could all the things she loved most let her down today? She wanted to flee, to go shopping, to the movies…outside. “Wanna go for a walk?” she asked Noodle with a sigh. He immediately dropped his toy and cocked his head as if the words were too good to be true.
Very little snow covered the ground, and Katherine kicked at it. Even the weather was disappointing. Not much of a Christmas without some drifts of snow. Might as well be down south. At least that’s hot.
She headed past the stable into the fields without caring where she went. She kept her eyes on the ground while Noodle scampered away. Merry Christmas, she thought bitterly, clenching her fist and shoving them in her coat pockets. Rick was off with his boys, probably tall, handsome, fresh-faced guys who’ll keep everyone laughing all day. The Three Musketeers, they’ll be, charming the girlfriend’s family. But I’m not yet really part of Rick’s life. Katherine reached down for a stick and snapped it in two. The lonely sound rang like a shot. Across the field, Noodle looked over at her, a white paw raised in the air.
And Frieda and Douglas are playing with Frank and Beth. Wonderful new toys are spread on the living room carpet, the kids look adorable in new pyjamas. Douglas catches Frieda’s eye and silently toasts her with a crystal glass of sherry. Everyone is having a perfect time with their family today except for me.
Noodle gave a high-pitched bark and darted forward. A small flock of birds flew up into the trees of the hedgerow. Grey. No colour anywhere. Black, bare trees. A white dusting on the hard mud of the fields. Stupid, bare fields. Don’t even have a say about what grows on it. Why did I buy this ugly piece of land? Nothing pretty growing anywhere. No garden. Not like Sunrise. As for Sunrise, Clara and Harry probably have a full house, with music and a roaring fire, and loads of Christmas baking. Probably have a party going on, with people dropping in all day. Katherine stood still and looked up. Maybe I should give them a call. No, you can’t always go running over there. No, this is your life and your home. You chose to spend Christmas this way.
A few small birds dotted the branches of a tree. Noodle was sniffing among the rocks below, his white flag of a tail waving. Animals don’t know it’s Christmas. Just another day to them. No pressure for them. A shrill chatter sounded from the cedar rail fence and Noodle shot forward, sending the birds into the air. A chipmunk raced along a top rail.
Katherine took a deep breath. At least the air is fresh and cool. She began to relax. She breathed again. Her thoughts began to lift. The hedgerows are actually sort of interesting. Seem to be animals in them. Who knew? She turned around and studied the landscape. Even a bit of colour out here after all. Not just grey and black and white, but different shades of brown. Even some orange among the dead leaves. Some wine-red stems among the low bushes there. Sort of pretty in a very subtle way.
She walked on and began to feel energy spread through the limbs of her body. Walking’s OK. Feels kind of good. A memory surfaced of a Christmas she once spent with a family she didn’t know well. The children woke everyone with squeals of delight at six a.m. By the time Katherine came downstairs, wrapping paper and empty boxes lay strewn everywhere. Plastic toy after battery-operated game after noisy toy vehicle was inspected and rapidly discarded in favour of a new surprise. Bowls of sugary cereal were abandoned for colourful treats from stockings. By nine a.m. the kids were bored with everything and were watching TV. The worst of a commercial Christmas, thought Katherine. Even today is better than that.
By the time she and Noodle returned home, she had a good appetite for a hot lunch. After, she took out her baking pans and got busy. Noodle kept an eye on her while he lay snoozing on his mat.