Ch.10, Pt. 5: “A friend of mine has died”
“A friend of mine has died of a heart attack. Harry Lodge. You remember Clara Lodge, the lady with the farm gardens who came on the show? Her husband.”
Lawrence relaxed slightly. “He’s an older man? Was, I guess I should say.”
Katherine sat down at the table with a dazed expression. “Yeah. I guess it was his time. Old age. But wow - so suddenly.”
“He was in good health?”
“Perfect health. Very active, always doing things for people. Used to travel a lot, helping with — I don’t know what. He’s a good man. I can’t believe it.”
“Did you know him for a long time?”
“No. Just got to know him this year, when I became friends with Clara. But I really felt close to him, you know?”
“Maybe I should go, and let you be by yourself,” Lawrence said pushing back his chair.
“No,” she cried. “Not unless you want to.” Don’t leave me alone, she thought. I don’t think I can take it. “I’m okay,” she continued, “just really surprised. I’d still like your company, like we planned, but maybe you’d rather go.”
“No, I’m happy to stay if you want.”
”Sure. Let’s just carry on. You want another drink?” she asked distractedly. Why hasn’t Rick called yet?
Lawrence looked at her, tapping the rim of his full glass. “I’m okay, thanks.”
“Oh right. Have another square.” She passed him the plate and picked up a puzzle piece. If only Rick were here. He would hold me. I would tell him things that I can’t tell Lawrence. Various images and sounds of Harry seemed to play in her mind, like one of Lawrence’s compilations. Harry throwing back his head of thick white hair and laughing. The screen door banging behind him as he comes into the kitchen holding his bleeding thumb, and the sound of cold water running in the sink as Clara cares for him despite his protests. The squeak of his rocking chair, the rustle of the newspaper he puts down as Katherine comes in. The comfort in his voice when he reassures her about the house, saying “Everything will work out.”
But Katherine was feeling even a deeper loss, and she tried to let her mind identify what it was. A shadowy memory formed of sitting in the shade of the roots of an enormous fallen tree, having a pretend tea party with her father. With a straight face, he accepts the acorn shell and sips air from it. She is five years old. Katherine sighed.
“You okay?” Lawrence was looking carefully at her, the way he did when she was having difficulties in the studio.
“Yeah. Just realize how much I miss having parents. They both died when I was in university. Not a lot of fun.”
“That must have been hard.”
“I was completely on my own. No brothers or sisters. I was terribly lonely.” Katherine spoke softly, gazing beyond Lawrence’s shoulder. Then she shook her head and sat up straight. “But, I’m used to being on my own. This is the first Christmas in years that I haven’t gone away somewhere. Christmas hasn’t been a family time for me.” Her voice and posture sank again. “Seems that whenever I get a taste of family, I lose it. Harry dying sort of proves that. He felt a bit like a father to me.”
Lawrence fitted a piece of the puzzle. “I’m not close to my parents. I am to my sister, but she lives out west, and so I don’t see much of her. But at least I still have family if I wanted them.”
“This is the time when I wish my father had died. You know what I mean? You expect parents to die when they’re older. Not in their 50s.”
“What did they die of?”
“My Mom had lung cancer, and my Dad died of a heart attack a year later. A broken heart, people called it. Some said it was stress. Died just like Harry, too.” Katherine ran her fingers over the loose puzzle pieces, moving them around on the kitchen table. “So that’s what got me interested in health issues. To see if I could help people improve their lives.”
Lawrence nodded thoughtfully and they sat in silence a moment.
I’m not going to hear from Rick again today, Katherine thought suddenly. He’s too involved with his sons and the girlfriend. She reached across the table impulsively and patted Lawrence’s hand as he worked on the puzzle. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
His eyebrows lifted, then he said politely, “So am I.” He took a sip of his drink. “If you don’t mind my asking, where’s your man today?’
Shame pierced her middle. She took a breath, shook her head and tried to keep her voice light. “He had some prior commitments he couldn’t get out of.” But I hope he’ll come over later, she thought. Maybe he’ll surprise me by dropping in without calling first. He’ll drive up and say he missed me today and wants to stay with me another night. Maybe he’ll have – I don’t know – a little gift – a pointsettia, a rose – heck, a cactus even. Just a little surprise for me on top of the main surprise of seeing him again. He’ll tell me how much he thought of me today at the dinner with the girlfriend’s family. How lonely he felt and wished I’d been along. And I’ll tell him I missed him too.
“Can you see the last corner piece?” Lawrence asked. “I can’t find it.”
Katherine looked at the piece she was idly turning in her hand. Two straight edges. “Sorry,” she said, passing it across. A disturbing thought forced its way forward. Even if Rick did come, I couldn’t really tell him about Harry. Harry didn’t seem to like Rick much. Maybe he and Rick had some trouble over something. Maybe Rick doesn’t like Harry. What was that about? Best not to get into that right now. Best to deal with Harry’s death alone. She sighed.
“How you doing over there?” Lawrence was looking over at her.
“Just thinking about death. And loneliness. Funny how – even if you have someone special in your life you’re still essentially alone. I mean we’re born alone, and we die alone.”
“Except for twins,” Lawrence said with a smile.
“What?”
“You’re not born alone if you’re a twin. Or a triplet.”
“I see. Or a dog.” Katherine glanced over at Noodle who lay on his back, belly up, four paws in the air. “They’re born in litters.”
“That must be a great feeling, don’t you think? Right from birth, snuggling your naked body up against brothers and sisters, to get to the warm nourishing belly of your mother.”
Katherine laughed. “Are you saying it’s better to be a dog?”
“I’m saying that being a puppy must not be too bad.”
“Yeak, and if you end up in a decent home, a dog’s life can be pretty good.”
“Like that pup over there.” Lawrence inclined his head. “Looks like he landed in gravy.”
“Never gravy,” Katherine murmured. “Cheese sauce, maybe.”
“Of course. I forgot. Well, nothing’s perfect, eh pooch?” Noodle opened his eyes, rolled over, got up, stretched and padded over to Lawrence. “I’m saying you’re doing all right, know what I mean?” Noodle yawned.
Maybe it’s best if I don’t see Rick again today, Katherine’s thoughts continued. I have Harry’s funeral tomorrow, and seeing Rick would be a big distraction. I’d have to get ready early tomorrow, and we couldn’t have a long morning in bed. She spotted a puzzle piece with gray streaks that looked like they might be tips of fur. She tried it in a few spots on the puzzle. It fitted. No, she mused, I’m tired, and have had a shock. Best to have an early night and a good sleep, alone.
Ch.10, Pt.6: The small Anglican Church was packed. » »